Jess MacCallum
I married my wife because I couldn’t imagine ever finding her equal. I was in love, and I was also impressed. Her value was so clear that there was no way I was going to let her get away if I could do anything about it. I began with the perspective Adam had toward Eve when he first laid eyes on her: Wow! Long red hair, a natural, earthy style, and mischievous brown eyes that said, “If you can’t take a joke, you’re going to regret ever meeting me.”
I certainly didn’t know God’s will for my life the first time I saw her, but I thought I knew my will for my life. As Wayne said of Cassandra in Wayne’s World, “She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.”
Proverbs 18:22 states,
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.
God’s plan is to bless us men through this good thing. I had no doubt that this young lady was a very good thing! And just having her would be favor enough. It seemed that every time we were around each other her value to me grew. In fact I had seven years to confirm that she was valuable as she mostly ignored me. Well ignored may be too strong: the thesaurus says disregarded, overlooked, or bypassed would be equally descriptive. Just pick one. The point is I finally caught her, and the compliment of my life was that she traded all her other options (and they were numerous) for me.
A strong beginning like we had is not terribly unusual though. Unfortunately however, over time, we men often fade in our enthusiasm as other things compete for our attention. Our “good thing” becomes part of the everyday scenery and values become relative. Not intentionally usually, and not because the “good thing” has stopped being good in itself. But life is a sneaky thing; you have to watch it every minute or stuff happens. Stuff that makes you go to counseling and sit there with your arms crossed, trying to sound like you’re not the one with the problem. Stuff that ends marriages with both sides just sure it was the other’s fault.
We get distracted from pursuing our spouse’s full potential rather easily. It’s like investing in a house expecting it to appreciate, but never spraying for termites, painting, roofing and doing all the other smart things. Then one day, surprise … you’re the one bringing down the neighborhood property values. Sort of like the guy in Luke 14 who started a project he couldn’t afford to finish and was ridiculed for poor planning. That’s just as possible with our marriages if we stop seeing the value of continuing to invest in our wives.
Pause and Reflect:
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ (Luke 14:28-30 ESV)
While a spouse is much more valuable than a building, the principle is the same because of the investment. Too often we take our spouses for granted, for many different reasons.
- Are there times when you take your spouse for granted?
- Can you see how that might make him or her feel less valued?
- What are some reasons you might take your spouse for granted?
- What can you do to counteract these tendencies?